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  • Writer's pictureKrystal Portorreal

A Recovered Identity


My entire life so much of who I am has been based on my current situation. When I was younger, I was the girl who had an alcoholic father. In high school I was the girl who wore PayLess shoes (that my peers so lovingly laughed about) and played volleyball. In early adulthood, I was the woman who danced in a strip club and got married at 19. Then, I became the military woman that people could be proud of. Until I became the alcoholic veteran struggling to have a business that could make ends meet. Then two years ago, I became the successful business owner who skyrocketed into success during the height of the pandemic.


The funny thing about identity is, if you attach it to outside forces and opinions, you run the terrible risk of never truly experiencing peace. You will always be fluctuating, never really settled, and never really happy with anything in your life. Living a unsatisfied life becomes your portion. And being unsatisfied is a dangerous place to be. It breeds comparison and opens a wide door to depression.


At the height of my alcohol addiction, I thought if I could just quit drinking I would be happy. So I did. I quit drinking and dove into work. Man, I was so good at work. I was good at drawing out everything else in life with work vs a drink. But it wasn't sustainable. I needed to have an identity OUTSIDE of the high hopes everyone else has for me.


So, under God's instruction at the beginning of 2022, I pulled back. I could not in good conscious continue my unrelenting hustle while at the same time preaching purpose. It's hypocritical and it was a danger to my calling and those attached to it. I began a slow pulling away at first, but eventually I developed an outright aversion to what needed to be left in seasons past.


I surrendered and the Lord removed the desire for things past from my heart. He has been completely remaking my identity using His mold. And I'm more grateful than I've ever been!


Does it hurt? YES! But part of the perfect mold-making process is HEAT. I have been put through several fires, some that hurt deeply this year. Some I didn't understand right away and made me feel punished. Some that rounded out rough edges that had been deeply rooted in my personality. Some that made me question my very existence. But every, single burn had a purpose. And after every, single one I am literally seeing my purpose unfold.


God has shown me the finish line. He's shown me myself, at an old age with my husband and children and glimpses of so much in between. He's shown me the life I will have and I believe Him. Because my Father does not lie. I am surrendered to God's vision for my life because what He has for me is go much greater than I could ever even imagine for myself.


As I end this blog post, I want to pose a question to you. Have you evaluated what God wants for your life without the tunnel vision of what you assume you are supposed to be building? Have you surrendered YOUR vision and allowed God to replace it with His?


Food for thought💕

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